You know how when a friend of yours gets busted for a DUI, and you tell them "hey man, you should have just called me, i would have given you a ride." or maybe a friend of yours gets busted for stealing something small at a grocery story "hey dude, if you needed some food you should of just asked." Maybe your friend nabbed a few bucks from your ash tray, or from the offering plate, or the cash register at work and lost his job - "bro, you could of just asked me for a few bucks, i would have gladly given some to you. If you need some cash just ask me."
Yea, hindsight is always 20/20. of course now that your friend is in jail for a DUI, or lost his job for a measly $20 you would gladly have offered to change his course. Well why didn't you intervene before the problem got worse? Why did you wait until your friend asked for help?
If your friend calls you at 1225a and asks for a ride from some downtown bar would you shrug? probably. and that shrug is probably why your friend doesn't call you. If your friend never pays for lunch, you always get stuck with the bill, would you start avoiding eating out with your friend? that's probably why they don't ask you for cash. When you receive a real-life phone call on your cell (not a text, email, notification, DM...) do you avoid a real-life conversation and let the call go to voicemail? that's probably why your friend didn't call you when they needed some help or food, they never get a hold of you anyway.
Have you ever been in need? the first thing most people feel when they're in need is shame, or embarrassment. "crap, i don't have a well-paying job like my friends, i can't afford a house or a car like my friends. i don't have a nice little family and a great spouse like my friends." this friend already feels bad about their situation and now we expect them to also put aside their pride and approach us first and ask for a handout? no wonder they conclude "my house isn't that far and i'm only buzzed, it'll only take a few minutes to drive home. better than calling BMer at midnite and pissing him off."
If you're a caring friend you should welcome these situations. you should care enough about your friends to know whats going in their lives. you should be helping them out without putting them in their place, if they're in need they already know it. you should be pro-active about help, you should SHOW that you care enough to pick them up at midnight, or get them some supplies that might ease their weekly needs, instead of just SAYING that you would have done that, if only they asked.
Friendship is about loving one another, about truly caring about each other. stop wasting time poking friends on facebook, or retweeting them, and actually get involved in their life, and show that you're there for them all the time, whether they're in need or not. Next time they're in a tough spot they shouldn't hesitate to call you. Next time they're in need they should feel confident that they can rely on you without being reprimanded, judged, reminded, instructed, lectured...
in the midst of a tight-spot, the first thing a friend needs is support, you can worry about addressing the problems later.
Posts
